Tuesday, August 7, 2012

ohhhh Juliet....

Have you seen Letters to Juliet?
It's great.
You should watch it.

However, if you haven't seen it and intend to/don't want me to ruin the plot for you...stop reading.

Major spoilers ahead.

In the movie, there is a common theme of the "leading lady", Sophie, struggling with her current relationship.
This theme is even apparent in the trailers...and of course, she gets swept away in an adventure and meets another man blah blah blah.
But while Sophie is with this initial man, you can tell that there is an inner struggle between what she EXPECTS her relationship to be, what she WANTS her relationship to be, and what her relationship ACTUALLY IS.

The writers make it very clear that while Sophie longs to have a different type of relationship with her fiance, she doesn't want to push him, doesn't want to request a change, and simply wants him to be happy...and in the meantime, these actions (or inactions) cause her unhappiness. And as much as I think that we can all sit back and watch the movie and say to ourselves (or in my case, outloud to everyone in the room)
"What is she doing?! She LOVES him but he's not a mind-reader! She should be more vocal about what it is that she truly wants!"
...easier said than done, yes?

Now, I don't claim to be an expert on relationships, especially given that I have limited experience in that area. However, having a degree in Psychology, I do think that I am somewhat of an expert on humans and human social interactions.

[[[ I would even argue that we ALL are experts on humans, given that we are humans, but I digress... ]]]

And throughout my 22 years of living on this planet and observing human behavior, it's easy and somewhat elementary to state that men and women have different styles of communication. 
Truth. Plain and simple.

But in these differences in communication styles and perceptions of others and how they are receiving our communication, I believe that women tend to over think...especially in romantic relationships.
There are definitely exceptions to [nearly] every rule, but this is a common one that I've seen.

Women often desire something in a relationship, but when presented with an option for that thing that they desire, they will often say that they actually do not want that...whether the reason behind that reaction is for fear of being too demanding or needy, or for fear of upsetting their husband/BF because maybe that's not what HE wants...women often submit, even when they're just submitting to their own internal fears.

Did that make sense? Let me give an example:
In the movie, Sophie clearly feels neglected and so obviously desires to spend more time with her fiance. Yet, while vacationing in Italy, her fiance wants to be touring vineyards and meeting with prospective vendors for his upcoming restaurant opening. This could be fun, I guess...but that's not what Sophie wants to do. Not exactly a romantic vacation. BUT when she gives her fiance the hint that maybe all of this isn't what she wants to do...and he says "nevermind, we don't have to do this...we can just do something else", she says "no no no, it's ok...just leave me here in Verona (the most romantic city in the world) by myself and have fun at a wine auction" because she doesn't want to force him to do what she wants to do.
[[[paraphrasing above if you didn't notice...]]] 
What the heck.

I mean, how is the guy (who's not super perceptive to begin with) supposed to know that you ACTUALLY want to hang out with him if you don't tell him?! I'm not saying that, as women, we should have to spell everything out to our husbands/boyfriends/fiances, BUT if you want something to be different, you can't just sit and wait for it to change. COMMUNICATION people! It's pretty simple.

Not really sure what the purpose of me writing about this is, but I just watched this movie again and it made me realize how many times I've seen this happen in the real world...so yeah.

that's all I have to say about that.

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